Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Sizzlin' Express

Many of you will doubt the dopeness of Sizzlin' Express, and to you dopeness doubters, we say "Backoff, asshats!" Sizzlin' Express, while lacking certain things you may look for in a bar, such as a Jukebox and low lighting, more than makes up for it with other good, simple pleasures.

Sit down in one of the comfortable high-backed padded chairs (a vastly underrated plus), and you will quickly be greeted by one of two Korean (Korean-American?) bartenders, from whom you can procure either Heineken, Coors Light, Sapporo, or Sam Adams on tap. (Speaking of Sam Adams, what the fuck? If you're at a bar with someone, and on tap they have, say.... Guinness, Stella Artois, Miller Lite, Shiner Bock and Sam Adams, and that person picks Sam Adams, doesn't your opinion of that person drop by about 40 percent? What are they thinking?
"I'll have a Sam Adams," (???) Yeah, and then let's all go join the Drama Club and go to a Goo Goo Dolls concert. Then we'll have exciting lives.. that'll be great.)

Sizzlin' Express will also give you your beer in a frosty mug (they, along with Mr. Henry's form the Frosty Mug Corridor on the Hill) which isn't shitty. While you drink your beer and soak in the Adult Contemporary music, you'd be advised to order some sushi. Try ordering the Alaskan something, we don't know if it's any good, but you'll feel cool ordering it.

The clientele: Mix 1/3 cup black, octogenarian churchgoers, 1/3 cup Cops, 1/3 cup random Hillers, and sprinkle in the occasional Japanese tourist.

All in all, nice place for an afternoon beer.

6 comments:

LisA said...

you guys are full of shit.

a) sizzex closes way before what any seasoned barhopper would consider a reasonable closing time.

b) just because a place serves alcohol doesn't make it a bar. i can get a beer at e street cinema.

c) i went to sizzex on saturday morning because of your review- there weren't any bartenders there for me to get a morning bloody mary. also, outside seating wasn't available and i had to take my semi-warm food to a bookstore stoop. boo.

chbarreview said...

a) We said it was a "nice place for an afternoon beer."

b) Sizzlin' Express doesn't just "serve alcohol", it has a full bar and several different beers on tap. That would distinguish it from, say, E-street cinema where they have a mini-fridge with some Boddington's.

c) You were there on Sunday morning, not Saturday. It sounds like you just had some bad luck. Outside seating is usually hooked up nice and early, and Rowdy Chowder and Boullionui had two delicious Bloody Maries there last weekend.

LisA said...

sizzlin' express is an unacceptable place to carry on typical barroom banter; therefore i am outraged that you would review it. why don't you not waste your readers' time and review some actual certifiable hot spots, like tunnicliff's, or union pub.

you guys suck ass.

chbarreview said...

Now you just seem desperate, and absurd.
Thanks for reading, though.

Justin said...

I would like to thank the CHBR for being a progressive enough forum to include all different kinds of drinking establishments. If I can get a beer there, I want to be able to read about it.

G.H. said...

Nice blog you got here. Drinking at Sizzlin' Express on Sunday mornings...exactly the kind of thing cyberspace needs more of.

I do have to speak up in favor of Sam Adams. A fine brew, in my estimation.