Sizzlin' Express

Many of you will doubt the dopeness of Sizzlin' Express, and to you dopeness doubters, we say "Backoff, asshats!" Sizzlin' Express, while lacking certain things you may look for in a bar, such as a Jukebox and low lighting, more than makes up for it with other good, simple pleasures.

Sit down in one of the comfortable high-backed padded chairs (a vastly underrated plus), and you will quickly be greeted by one of two Korean (Korean-American?) bartenders, from whom you can procure either Heineken, Coors Light, Sapporo, or Sam Adams on tap. (Speaking of Sam Adams, what the fuck? If you're at a bar with someone, and on tap they have, say.... Guinness, Stella Artois, Miller Lite, Shiner Bock and Sam Adams, and that person picks Sam Adams, doesn't your opinion of that person drop by about 40 percent? What are they thinking?
"I'll have a Sam Adams," (???) Yeah, and then let's all go join the Drama Club and go to a Goo Goo Dolls concert. Then we'll have exciting lives.. that'll be great.)

Sizzlin' Express will also give you your beer in a frosty mug (they, along with Mr. Henry's form the Frosty Mug Corridor on the Hill) which isn't shitty. While you drink your beer and soak in the Adult Contemporary music, you'd be advised to order some sushi. Try ordering the Alaskan something, we don't know if it's any good, but you'll feel cool ordering it.

The clientele: Mix 1/3 cup black, octogenarian churchgoers, 1/3 cup Cops, 1/3 cup random Hillers, and sprinkle in the occasional Japanese tourist.

All in all, nice place for an afternoon beer.