Hurray for a child

Bouillonnui, Rowdy and 5 Wisconsians saddled up to the bar at Union Pub on a recent Saturday night for some festive imbibing. The night was going well: our bartender was friendly, PBR pitchers were 8 bucks, and Bouillonnui had even pulled out his Scott Stapp impersonation. (Arms out in front, head bowed, every muscle in your face tensed up, and belt out your favorite Creed lyric, "I see your soul, it's kind of gray." Minus 90 points if you do it unironically.)

The real fun started, however, when a male employee began flirting with and groping some of his co-workers. His name was Brad the Douchebag. It was amazing to watch; he was like a starving hyena, latching onto anyone, male or female, who moved into his vicinity. Strangely, his co-workers went along with it. Maybe Bouillonnui and Rowdy are getting old, but watching Brad the Douchebag go to work made us feel a little queasy… Or, that could've been the PBR.

A few minutes later, another girl came into the bar. Brad the Douchebag walked up to her and started to flirt with her as well. We watched in amazement as Brad persisted, even when she obviously appeared to want nothing to do with him. We were absolutely positive there was no way this woman would give into him, and for a long time she continued to deny his advances. At last, however, she relented and gave him a little peck, and he walked away. One of our Wisconsians in tow, Battlecat, wasn't havin' it. She decided to have a chat with this girl about the incident.

BC: Hi.
G: Hello.
BC: I just want you to know that that guy has been flirting with and groping all the other wait staff all night. He's creepy, really creepy, and it's kind of disgusting. I'll pay for all of your drinks the rest of the night if you go tell him off right now.
G: That guy? (points)
BC: Yeah.
G: Ummm.
BC: He's gross.
G: Um, that's my boyfriend.
BC: (unfazed) REALLY? Cause he's really, really creepy. (Tisks and walks away)

On the upside, we did get to watch the couple fight for the next half hour. With any luck, they broke up that night. And perhaps that’s the best kind of night you can expect if you go to Union Pub. At least it was entertaining. But whether or not Brad the Douchebag and Girl broke up or stayed together, we can all take solace in these words, spoken by a man greater than I...

"Well I don't know if I'm ready to be the man I have to be
I'll take a breath, I'll take her by my side
We stand in awe, we've created life." (power chord)

- Bouillonnui